Also, due to situations in my life, I've taken absence from college too, and it may sound very cliché but, to try and 'find myself'...I've been attempting to live my life as normal, not giving myself the time to breathe after recovering from an eating disorder, whilst still living with depression and anxiety problems.
Even though I've made recovery in my eating disorder, at stressful times, I can relapse and subconsciously let the anorexia take over my state of mind, draining me of motivation to attempt anything at all.
College made me breathless, social media made me fixated on superficial materials, conversing with fake friends made me stressed, so I stopped... I just stopped.
I've always made the naive assumption that in order to be successful, you have to have shit loads of qualifications, a bank account with infinite 0s, hundreds of friends, have the appearance of a supermodel, etc. Basically, superficial things. The materialistic desires, the 'as long as I look good it doesn't matter how I feel' sort of mind set.
I've come to discover that, whilst those things are nice, it doesn't bring you peace and happiness when your body lays in the cushion and throw adorned 'only aesthetics matter, not comfort' bed.
Happiness matters, real friends matter, smiling until your jaw aches, laughter that makes your belly hurt, singing so hard to My Chemical Romances Black Parade until you drop to the floor out of breath. Adventures, discovery, joy, soul... True happiness. 'Life is what you make it'.
If I was reading this somewhere, I'd cringe. I'd mutter 'Jesus Christ' and close the tab. Like I said at the beginning of this paragraph though, cliché... But it's true.
From now on, If I'm not happy, I'm not doing it. :)
I feel I'm at a place in my life now, where I can begin to achieve things without blindly obeying whatever my parents say, that teacher, this person in authority, that person on TV. I feel like I can now make my own decisions on what I want to do, prioritising my happiness opposed to how 'successful' I may or may not be depending on this college class, that homework, those people.
I've decided blogging is something I do WANT to do, and have wanted to do for years. So... Here I am.
I'm planning on producing more blog posts, and I want to start creating videos on YouTube that are fashion, beauty and lifestyle related... Or, just anything I want to blog or vlog about! I have a few ideas lined up to film, but if you have anything you'd like me to film such as a tutorial, lookbook or advice, let me know in the comments, or message me on one of my social media accounts! :)
For now, this is me.
I'd apologise for rambling, but wouldn't that be contradictory of this post? ;)
Thanks for reading,